Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
The REAL Meaning(s)
1) For your information, please.
We don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
2) Note and Return.
We don't know what to do with this, so please keep it a little while.
3) Review and comment.
Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
4) Action, please.
Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
5) For your necessary actions, please.
It's your headache now.
6) Copy to.
Here's a share of the headache.
7) For your approval, please.
Put your neck on the chopping block for me, please.
8) Action is being taken.
Your correspondence is lost and we are still trying to locate it.
9) Your letter is receiving our attention.
We are still trying to figure out what you want.
10) Please discuss.
I don't know what the %S*^&@ this is, so please brief me.
11) For your immediate action.
Do it NOW! OR we'll all get into trouble.
12) Please reply soon.
Please be efficient. It makes me revert to the Requester/complainant. Need to look efficient.
13) We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant authorities.
They are causing the delay, not us.
We don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.
2) Note and Return.
We don't know what to do with this, so please keep it a little while.
3) Review and comment.
Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.
4) Action, please.
Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.
5) For your necessary actions, please.
It's your headache now.
6) Copy to.
Here's a share of the headache.
7) For your approval, please.
Put your neck on the chopping block for me, please.
8) Action is being taken.
Your correspondence is lost and we are still trying to locate it.
9) Your letter is receiving our attention.
We are still trying to figure out what you want.
10) Please discuss.
I don't know what the %S*^&@ this is, so please brief me.
11) For your immediate action.
Do it NOW! OR we'll all get into trouble.
12) Please reply soon.
Please be efficient. It makes me revert to the Requester/complainant. Need to look efficient.
13) We are investigating/processing your request with the relevant authorities.
They are causing the delay, not us.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Lateral Thinking ..
This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking ..
Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself.
Think like a wizard . . .
man
1. ------------
board
Ans. = man overboard
Okay, let's see if you've got the hang of it.
stand
2. ------------
i
Ans. = I understand
OK .
Got the drift ?
Let's try a few now and see
how you fare ?
3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/
Ans. = reading between the lines
4.
r
road
a
d
Ans. = cross road
Not having a good day now, are you ?
Redeem yourself.
5. cycle
cycle
cycle
Ans. = tricycle
Not easy to figure out ha!
0
6. ------------
M.D.
Ph.D.
Ans. = two degrees below zero
C'mon give it a little thought ! !
7. knee
light
Ans. = neon light
( knee - on - light )
U can prove u r smart by getting this one.
ground
8. ---------------
feet feet feet feet feet feet
Ans. = six feet underground
Oh no, not again ! !
9. he's X himself
Ans. = he's by himself
Now u messing up big time.
10. ecnalg
Ans. = backward glance
Not even close ! !
11. death ..... life
Ans. = life after death
Okay last chance ...................
12. THINK
Ans. = think big ! !
And the last one is real fundoo - - -
13. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb...
Ans. = long time no 'C'
Be Good. And If You Can't Be Good Be Careful!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Anger Management.................
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Nesh. Could I please speak with sonia?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down sonia's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a#%hole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'a#%hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a#%hole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'a#%hole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John from BSNL. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID device?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a#%hole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black FORD cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window... so, I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a#%hole, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the FORD a#%hole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black FORD for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 02 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an a#%hole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a#%hole to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
So, I came up with an idea. I called a#%hole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an a#%hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"a#%hole, I live at 02 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black FORD parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a#%hole."
Then I called a#%hole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, a#%hole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are?"
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your a#%," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, a#%hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 02 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my girl friends lover.
Then I called CNN-IBN, TIMESNOW, NDTV about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th Street.
There I saw two a#%holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars and a big news crew.
NOW, I feel better Anger management
Note: This story is just for fun. This doesnot happend in real life and should not be tried.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Nesh. Could I please speak with sonia?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down sonia's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an a#%hole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'a#%hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a#%hole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'a#%hole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John from BSNL. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID device?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a#%hole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black FORD cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window... so, I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first a#%hole, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the FORD a#%hole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black FORD for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 02 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an a#%hole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a#%hole to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
So, I came up with an idea. I called a#%hole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an a#%hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"a#%hole, I live at 02 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black FORD parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a#%hole."
Then I called a#%hole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, a#%hole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are?"
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your a#%," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, a#%hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 02 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my girl friends lover.
Then I called CNN-IBN, TIMESNOW, NDTV about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th Street.
There I saw two a#%holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars and a big news crew.
NOW, I feel better Anger management
Note: This story is just for fun. This doesnot happend in real life and should not be tried.
Monday, April 27, 2009
CEO's Boarding a plane.............
A memorable story about a hypothetical situation where twenty top CEOs boarding an airplane are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology.
Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that the software being used to fly the aircraft is developed by their companies.
Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed.
Asked why he is so confident in this first pilotless flight, and why he isn't afraid of crashing, he replies, "If it's the software developed by my boys, then this plane won't even take off."
Have i have to tell who the CEO was??
Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that the software being used to fly the aircraft is developed by their companies.
Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed.
Asked why he is so confident in this first pilotless flight, and why he isn't afraid of crashing, he replies, "If it's the software developed by my boys, then this plane won't even take off."
Have i have to tell who the CEO was??
Practical joke on ex-girlfriend
A Soft. Engr serving in Govt. of India was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote him that she's breaking off their engagement and asked for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
TIT FOR TAT
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
TIT FOR TAT
My new year's resolutions:
1. Would try to figure out why I need 10 e-mail addresses.
2. Would try to send atleast one mail a month to my friends.
3. call my parents atleast once a week. (this ones' dedicated to my parents).
4. Kick my boss on his butt whenever he comes up with his silly jokes. (dedicated to my team).
5. Avoid taking a diet coke with pizza-with-extra-cheese. (dedicated to my myself).
6. Would consume alcohol only on weekends and weekdays. (this ones for ME again).
7. Would not enter my e-mail address at websites in an attempt to unsubscribe from the spam I recieve. (to my poor mailbox).
8. Stay away from girls on the internet and concentrate on the ones on the intranet.
9. Would not spend more than an hour a day at orkut. (dedicated to my work).
And last but not the least
“Would not spend my time writing such posts full of crap when I have no work to do at office.”
2. Would try to send atleast one mail a month to my friends.
3. call my parents atleast once a week. (this ones' dedicated to my parents).
4. Kick my boss on his butt whenever he comes up with his silly jokes. (dedicated to my team).
5. Avoid taking a diet coke with pizza-with-extra-cheese. (dedicated to my myself).
6. Would consume alcohol only on weekends and weekdays. (this ones for ME again).
7. Would not enter my e-mail address at websites in an attempt to unsubscribe from the spam I recieve. (to my poor mailbox).
8. Stay away from girls on the internet and concentrate on the ones on the intranet.
9. Would not spend more than an hour a day at orkut. (dedicated to my work).
And last but not the least
“Would not spend my time writing such posts full of crap when I have no work to do at office.”
Some Basic definitions..
College : Place where you're punished for getting Average HSC marks.
Babe : After two years in college, anything remotely female, qualifies for that title...esp for arts & Commerce guys...
Senior : Guy who got ragged as junior and wanna get some payback...
Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is...
Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the canteen
is.
Really Really Dumb fresher : Guy who follows the senior to the canteen.
Ragging : The unfortunate fate of the previous idiot.
Evasive action : Watch the juniors when any seniors come nearby.
(No one runs faster than a fresher. NO ONE.)
Lectures : Waste of time.. physical presence is a must...only meant for sleeping, completing assignments & general TP
Tutions : What you take when you don't waste enough time....
Professor : Person paid to put students to sleep.
Vernac Prof : Unusual variant of previous individual who comes
packaged with his own brand of English ("Now you check me our journal." "You out get from class." "Are you Understand, ?" "Both of you two come here", "Draw a square of any shape")
Practicals : 60 to 120 minutes in which you watch the girls do
your programs, and usually destroy atleast a key in key board.
Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls in
your group (simply look blankly at each other, fiddle with the mouse & monitor, and finally copy it from the girls of course...or from guyz who get it from gals).
[B]. The Truth about exams....
Timing : when ur non science GF/BF is free to enjoy while u
slog with submissions & exams
Irony : The guy who copied your entire paper passes and you
flunk.
Critical Calculation : Summing up the marks you attempted worth in the exam...
Arrear : Makes you suicidal.. the WAY of life...
Year Drop : Makes dad homicidal.
Re-verification: A cruel joke. (results of which come after you give the arrear exam).
[C]. An MCA's 10 commandments of Life -
1. Thou shalt study only during the study leave.
2. Thou shalt never write thy assignments thyself.
3. Thou shalt begin writing thy journals/lab records only on the morning of submission.
4. Thou shalt treat all marks above 45 as bonus.
5. Thou shalt have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.
6. Thou shalt pass GRACEfully.
7. Thou shalt always be an OUT-standing student.
8. Thou shalt give thy attendance without being present...PROXY is a MUST.
9. If thou can't convince them , confuse them.
10. Thou shalt start every sentence with a four-lettered word.
[D]. The Years of College
F.C. Fond of College
S.C. Sick Of College
T.c. Tired of College
----------------------
Babe : After two years in college, anything remotely female, qualifies for that title...esp for arts & Commerce guys...
Senior : Guy who got ragged as junior and wanna get some payback...
Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is...
Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the canteen
is.
Really Really Dumb fresher : Guy who follows the senior to the canteen.
Ragging : The unfortunate fate of the previous idiot.
Evasive action : Watch the juniors when any seniors come nearby.
(No one runs faster than a fresher. NO ONE.)
Lectures : Waste of time.. physical presence is a must...only meant for sleeping, completing assignments & general TP
Tutions : What you take when you don't waste enough time....
Professor : Person paid to put students to sleep.
Vernac Prof : Unusual variant of previous individual who comes
packaged with his own brand of English ("Now you check me our journal." "You out get from class." "Are you Understand, ?" "Both of you two come here", "Draw a square of any shape")
Practicals : 60 to 120 minutes in which you watch the girls do
your programs, and usually destroy atleast a key in key board.
Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls in
your group (simply look blankly at each other, fiddle with the mouse & monitor, and finally copy it from the girls of course...or from guyz who get it from gals).
[B]. The Truth about exams....
Timing : when ur non science GF/BF is free to enjoy while u
slog with submissions & exams
Irony : The guy who copied your entire paper passes and you
flunk.
Critical Calculation : Summing up the marks you attempted worth in the exam...
Arrear : Makes you suicidal.. the WAY of life...
Year Drop : Makes dad homicidal.
Re-verification: A cruel joke. (results of which come after you give the arrear exam).
[C]. An MCA's 10 commandments of Life -
1. Thou shalt study only during the study leave.
2. Thou shalt never write thy assignments thyself.
3. Thou shalt begin writing thy journals/lab records only on the morning of submission.
4. Thou shalt treat all marks above 45 as bonus.
5. Thou shalt have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.
6. Thou shalt pass GRACEfully.
7. Thou shalt always be an OUT-standing student.
8. Thou shalt give thy attendance without being present...PROXY is a MUST.
9. If thou can't convince them , confuse them.
10. Thou shalt start every sentence with a four-lettered word.
[D]. The Years of College
F.C. Fond of College
S.C. Sick Of College
T.c. Tired of College
----------------------
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